Ahhhhhh, grief, you’re a funny bugger!! Most of the time you’re just there, sitting in the background & then all of a sudden, BAM, there’s the spotlight full on & the tears stream.
I’ve gotten to the stage, where for the most part, grief doesn’t overwhelm me. I get prepared before the anniversaries and occasions & just allow myself a little more gentleness. It’s usually the unexpected that brings me undone – a song, a smell, something that triggers a special memory.
But today is a tough one…
Today is 10 years since we left Victoria to move to Queensland.
Today is 10 years since I last got to hold my only sister.
Today is 10 years since I didn’t put everything into saying goodbye as I didn’t think it would be the last time I would see her, would hold her, would touch her, would be with her…but it was.
I was heading back down to Victoria for a short trip in early February, but she died the day before I flew down.
Today is harder for me than the day she died, because today has regret attached. We had a suspicion that it would be the last time that my hubby & daughter would see Bess, so their goodbyes were particularly poignant. For me, I was going to seeing her again in less than 2 weeks, so while I said goodbye & hugged her close, it wasn’t the same as when you think or know it’s going to be the last time. And that is something I deeply regret. And that makes missing her so much worse.
I regret not holding her longer.
I regret not acknowledging the crap we had been through to get where we were.
I regret not celebrating again how close we had become in the last few years.
I regret not saying how much I loved getting close to my big sister.
This is a big part of why I do the work I do with loved ones. I know what regret feels like, how it compounds grief and intensifies the pain of their physical absence.
I don’t want others to know this pain, because quite frankly, it sucks big time!! Even as I type this, the tears are gently falling…
But I’m also thankful. I only grieve because I have loved and been loved.
If you have someone precious in your world who is on their end journey, connect deeply with them as much as you can as often as you can. Say what you want to say. Do what you want to do. Create precious memories to treasure for a lifetime.
Tell those people that are important to you how you feel.
Make the time for the cuppa or meal together.
Cherish the people who are precious to you.
Use the special stuff.
Turn the TV off, put the phone down, have a conversation, play a game, do something together.
And most of all, whether they are living with a terminal illness or not, treat every single moment as if it could be the last, because one day too soon, it will be.
Peace & blessings, Sharon